


19. Can I Hold Your Hand

by essiee, Guardian_Rose



Series: 100 Ways To Say I Love You [19]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Cute, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Protective!Magnus, Sweet, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 08:40:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8198602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/essiee/pseuds/essiee, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guardian_Rose/pseuds/Guardian_Rose
Summary: Alec waits while Magnus and Catarina argue in the living room. At 3am.
It's not the way Alec was hoping his day would start if he was being honest.





	

He was sleepy and not really awake enough for this. Not today. No thank you. He just wanted to go back to bed and curl up with Magnus until the later hours of the morning. But the world was not on his side and here he was at 2am in the kitchen of the loft, watching as his boyfriend and Catarina argued in the living room.

It was something about taking a business trip that was really an excuse for Cat to get Magnus away from the threat of Valentine. Something like that. All the shouting was just going straight through his head without sticking properly. All he knew for definite was that Magnus refused to leave Alec behind and Catarina was arguing that there was no way that a Shadowhunter would do the same for him. He wasn’t taking it personally.

Alec had tried to intervene about 5 minutes into the shouting but Magnus had just given him this ‘I’m-not-going-to-stop-defending-us-so-don’t-try-it’ look and Alec retreated to the kitchen, leaving Magnus to defend them himself. There were three mugs of tea on the table in front of him ready and waiting for when the fight was over.

He had only seen Magnus angrier than this when Alec himself had been injured in battle and the warlock hadn't been called in to help. It took a long time to get Magnus and Alec’s mother to even be civil after that incident. The Shadowhunter was pretty sure that Magnus was still holding a grudge.

A door slammed and Alec looked up from his mug of tea, half on the defensive, already reaching for weapons that weren't there. He was met with the sight of Magnus walking towards him, the dark circles under his unglamoured eyes and the fact that he was wearing his favourite pair of silk pyjama bottoms and one of Alec's tops made him look adorable as always. But there was a slump to his shoulders and he didn't meet Alec’s gaze which was worrying in itself.

“Where'd she go?” Alec asked, voice quiet, as Magnus dropped his weight against the shadowhunters back and hid his face in the crook of Alec’s neck.

“The bathroom.” Came the muffled reply. Alec combed his fingers through the warlock's hair.

“Are you getting anywhere?” 

“Hardly. She thinks I'm throwing away my only chance of safety and that you shouldn't be holding me here. She even had the audacity to suggest that you were like Camille, my own heart blinding me to the obvious and so on.” Magnus lifted his head and reached over Alec's shoulders to pick up the shadowhunters mug of half drank tea.

Neither of them spoke for a while. Not sure where to go from here. Catarina was calming herself down and if they didn't sort this out the likelihood of it carrying on until the sun rose was higher than any of them would like.

“Mags…” Magnus set the mug down again and buried himself in the shadowhunter’s warmth.

“Mmm?” 

“Maybe...maybe Cat has a point.” Alec whispered. He couldn't see the warlock but he felt Magnus tense and shift away from him.

“No! No, Mags. It's not that I want you to go,” Alec swivelled on the stool so he was facing Magnus who was still shorter than him even now; Alec reached out to pull him back but thought better about it and gave him the space he clearly needed; he shouldn't have opened his mouth in the first place. “Can I….look. I'm not saying I want you to go but maybe it's best? I know you worry about your friends and this way you can protect them.” 

Magnus’s face was horrifically blank other than the furrow in his forehead that he always got when he was confused. Eyes just staring into Alec’s, looking for something. Alec had a feeling he knew what but he couldn't say it. There were those three words that would solve all their problems. Reaffirm their faith and trust in what was between them but Alec couldn't say them. It wasn't the right time. Not when Magnus was still angry at Catarina, when they were so tired and fuelled by pent up emotions.

Then all at once Magnus pulled at his messy hair and scowled. He looked wrecked, absolutely wrecked and it hurt Alec to know that he was to blame for this. He was only fighting with Catarina because of him and he was clearly in turmoil over what Alec had said. It was all so stupid, so pointless. They shouldn’t have to fight as well just because Alec was an idiot who had no filters before his first mug of coffee in a morning.

“Then who's going to protect you, Alec? Tell me. Because for all the love your siblings have for you they're the ones being protected. You leave yourself open and I have enough memories of you coming close to death to not need any more, thank you very much. I didn’t even want those to begin with! So tell me, Alec. If I leave, who's going to protect you?” 

Magnus’s voice was harsh and cold, eyes strangely watery and he looked so frustrated. Alec knew he’d hit something Magnus had clearly been fretting over from the fact that he wasn’t calling him Alexander or any variation of the pet names he had. 

Alec clasped his hands in front of him. Magnus looked away from the shadowhunter and wrapped his arms around himself. Oh shit. What had Alec done? How did he let it get to this? How the hell did it get to this point so fast anyway? They’d only been talking for a minute or two! It was infuriating to them both.

Alec heard something slam in the bathroom before he could reply and the warlock in front of him shouldn't have flinched. Doesn't ever flinch. But he did and Alec knew that it would take death's cruel grip to tear them apart when that was what happened when they were just talking about being separated. It would be ten times worse when they were away from each other. Alec could see it now, both of them jumping at the slightest sound. Constantly on edge. 

No, Magnus wasn't going to leave him and Alec didn't want him to.

“I-” Alec started and moved to take his boyfriend's hand but then thought twice. “Can I hold your hand?” 

Magnus’s eyes flitted to the shadowhunters outstretched hand then back to his tired, rueful eyes. He nodded.

“I'm sorry for suggesting it.” Alec intertwined their fingers and brought their joined hands to his chest, over his heart. “I don't want you to go, I don't think I could let you go. I...I care too much about you to leave you myself, even for just a few months.” 

He was pleasantly surprised to find that he didn't stutter, even with the simple solution they both knew would fix this ache between them. But Alec wasn't going to say it when they were arguing or when this was still so new to him and it wasn't like Magnus was hinting at him to say it. They’d be okay if they waited.

“Thank you. I couldn't leave you either.” Magnus conceded and leant his forehead against the shadowhunter’s.

They stayed like that until the bathroom door slammed open and a pissed looking Catarina stepped out, cheeks flushed a deeper navy blue than normal. Her hair pulled into a bun on top of her head and her hands crossed over her stomach.

“Magnus.” She said, voice eerily calm in comparison to her heated glare.

Alec pressed a light kiss to Magnus’s cheek before letting go of him. Magnus in turn smiled at him as he rolled his eyes and walked over to the furious woman standing in front of the couch.

“Catarina, darling. It's late. I've made myself clear on where I stand. It isn't going to change, I'm afraid. Now, we're all tired and we can shout until we fall asleep on our feet or, and I say this with all the love in the world, you can leave so Alexander and I can go back to bed.” Magnus spoke carefully, voice intentionally light and lacking the defensive tones from earlier.

Alec was grateful, an angry Magnus worked instead of sleeping which made it more difficult for Alec to fall asleep himself. At least he was just as exhausted as Alec was.

“Okay, just...before I go, I’m sorry for doing this to you. I was scared for you which is ridiculous with you being just as strong as me and I can see that you’re clearly in...devoted to Alec so I will trust your judgement. I’ll call you later. Bye, Alec.” Catarina pressed a kiss to Magnus’s cheek on her way past then she was out of the door before either of them could answer.

“Magnus? You okay?” Alec left the mugs for later and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend from behind, bending over slightly to rest his head on the warlock’s shoulder. Magnus placed his hands over Alec’s and leaned back into his embrace.

“Yes. Just tired.” Magnus answered, voice slurring slightly and Alec was once again glad for his angel blood that gave him the strength to swiftly pick Magnus up and carry him back to their bedroom. The warlock was asleep before Alec even put him down, safe in his shadowhunter’s arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! <3
> 
> Any and all comments welcome!
> 
> Written by Guardian_Rose


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